Tying my Writer's Noose

               Hanging up the old hat

        I recently started a Blog about how I navigated a messy custody case without a lawyer. How it effected my daughter and the rest of my family, how I doubted myself along the way, tools and resources that were invaluable to me during the toughest parts, the actually legal process, and how I eventually was successful in making sure my daughter was safe and secure.
       I spent a lot of time promoting that blog which to be honest felt kind of superficial. Everything I was writing was real and came from the heart.. but since we're still dealing with the damage that was caused, the timing just didn't feel right. I don't want my daughter to one day hear the details through my writing rather than straight from me.
      I will continue to write about the situation because I do feel that it's important to get it out. Writing is how I cope, rationalize, and vent most circumstances in my life. But until I feel like all the dust has settled, and my family can pick up the peices privately, I won't be publicly sharing the details.
        As a new blogger I felt I was putting myself in a box right from the gate, by only focusing on this one topic. I'm not good at sticking to an niche. I'm a rebel, not quite a Rolling Stone, but more so a tumbling mud ball if you will. A  hot mess of randomness that picks up anything that happens to get stuck to it on the way down.
       So for now I'm going to go back to writing about things that make me truly happy, mixed with my ever so charming sarcasm :) . Maybe I'm committing writer's suicide and that's okay. Above all I have to do what feels right.  So I'm going back to my Humor Through the Chaos, while still writing articles here and there that may touch on more serious topics. I truly hope that my millions of readers understand ;)
Thanks and love to all!!

Insurance...what no one tells you but everyone expects you to know

I worked in the insurance business for several years. First in customer service, then as a sales associate, and finally as an insurance agent. The main thing that stood out to me was that the majority of people have no idea what auto insurance entails. They don't understand limits, coverage, or what all their options are. And how would the average person know without it being explained to them, which unfortunately doesn't happen nearly as much as it should. More & more Insurance companies are stepping onto the scene without the option to sit down with your neighborhood agent. The main form of communication is a call center or an app, so it's becoming increasingly harder to come across agents who will take the time to make sure you understand the ins-and-outs of your policy. In turn this leaves people under insured and over exposed to all sorts of risks that they aren't even aware of. It is my hope to quickly and effectively teach you the basics of coverages, policy options, and even terminology as well as the pros and cons to liability only coverage. I want to start by clearing up a common misconception. The term "full coverage" is very misleading and should not be used by an agent. What they mean by full coverage is that you opted to get more coverage above just liability. The correct term is Collision and comprehensive. Because in all reality there is no such thing as full coverage. Every coverage has a limit. Also there are other options that are not always automatically included such as rental reimbursement, Towing, and roadside assistance. I've taken countless calls from frustrated customers who just got in a wreck and thought they had full coverage.
when referring to Collision coverage there are limits per person and per incident. Unfortunately most people were never even taught what the numbers represent. Here is an example of Utah State minimum limits for Collision.
25/65/15
these numbers stand for dollar amounts in the thousands. The first number is your bodily injury limit per person. This is often referred to on your policy as BI. In this example it means each person injured in an accident that you caused, would have up to $25, 000 in coverage for their injuries sustained in the accident.

The second number is the maximum bodily injury payout per accident. $65, 000. So if you hit a vehicle with three passengers and one was just bruised up but let's say the other two were taken to the hospital via ambulance. One of them suffered Whiplash and a broken collarbone while the other one broke his leg. Your policy would cover all of them up to a total of $65,000.

the third number represent property damage often referred to as PD. How much coverage you carry for the property belonging to the person you hit (in most cases there vehicle). So in this example you have a maximum of $15, 000 to repair or replace their vehicle.
comprehensive or comp coverage is for when your vehicle is damaged as a result of an incident other than a collision. Such as a rock chip in your windshield, fire, a tree branch falling, or theft and vandalism... Not to be confused with items being stolen out of your vehicle. That would be covered under renters and homeowners insurance. Confused yet? This is a lot of information to take in.
     I'd also like to discuss what liability only coverage is. Most people believe that if they have an older vehicle it's not worth it to get coverage above liability. And you may be right but there's more to it than just waiving higher coverage on your lemon. you're also foregoing your passengers being adequately covered. You see, if you or your passengers are injured in an accident that you caused, all of you are only covered by personal injury protection or PIP. The minimum State requirement in Utah is only $3, 000. You can opt for higher limits but in my experience about 75% of the people that I've quoted Only Had State minimum because they didn't know any better. People have very little knowledge of the importance of PIP or the fact that raising it from 3000 to 10000 or 20000 is usually only a difference of pennies a month. Another thing to consider when choosing liability only is that there is no protection on your vehicle if you are at fault. Which may not sound so bad until you're paying for repairs out of pocket, or having to purchase a whole new vehicle if yours is totaled.

Now in regards to deductibles you can lower your monthly payment by raising your deductible, but keep in mind that having a $1, 000 deductible means paying that out of pocket before you can get your vehicle repaired in the event of having an accident. the few dollars you'll save a month on your monthly premium may not always be worth that higher deductible.
I can totally relate to cutting corners and needing to save a few bucks but with insurance this statement Rings truer than ever...you get what you pay for. In limits and coverage as well as speed and smoothness of a claim.
some accident damage totals way less than the limit and others exceed the limits by far. and when that happens, the cost becomes out-of-pocket which can mean a lawsuit filed against you, wages garnished, and even your home and other assets being seized. You may think that a major accident won't happen to you but the reality is that it happens countless times per day. And few things are more frustrating than not only being injured but also left without your vehicle and having no idea of what to do next. Most people are unaware of who files the claim, if they will receive a rental vehicle, or even what their limits will cover. Then add in trying to contact someone at a call center and speaking to a different person each time. My advice to you is this ask lots of questions. ask what's included on your policy, raise your limit if Affordable because it's definitely worth it. Make sure you feel confident about your decision on coverage, and find a company that has local agents. Agents who see you as more than just a dollar sign. sitting down face-to-face with someone will allow them to see you as a person who has unique coverage needs. Insurance is not  one-size-fits-all so your agency shouldn't be either.
There's a lot more to auto insurance but I hope this helped you to understand the very basics, and thus helping you make a more informed decision.

Do I need a niche?

              Nicheless and loving it

        Everywhere I turn I hear that I need a niche in regards to blogging. But the problem is I don't have a niche! The thoughts that flow into my mind are not always about the same topic. Today I might want to write about painting and tomorrow I may want to write about something I suddenly learned about motherhood after 8 years of being a mom. I understand that I probably won't grow an audience without having a specific topic and that's ok. I care more about finding therapy in the act of writing, than making sure I'm getting enough reads to hit a goal.

Is it naive of me to think that's enough? Or to not care if it is? I also understand that the most effective way to grow my reader base is to have a niche, but I finally decided that I'm doing this because it's what I love to do. And the minute my focus shifted, it didn't feel real anymore.

I just know at the end of the day I don't want to throw away who I am or my desire to become a writer, just for a ton of readers. It wouldn't be meaningful anymore if I was doing it for the wrong reasons. So for now I'm going to continue to be sporadic and spontaneous in regards to my writing, and those who appreciate that will continue to read and those who don't... won't. And that's okay as long as I'm being true to myself.

Don't take one single second for granted

As I watch the sun kissed popplers sway in the morning breeze at the campsite, I see families pack up there belongings to head back to their lives. For some, this weekend was an annual vacation. For others it may have been the last time they'll be together as a family before they tell the kids about the divorce tomorrow. For the couple in the cabin it may be a last hurrah to see if they still have any remnants of a flame to spark the fire back to life in their relationship. For the family in the green tent this may be their last trip with Dad before he's no longer able to get around on his own. For the family in the tan camper it may be a celebration of Sammy's graduation and their Mom just wanted all the kids together one more time before he leaves for college. And maybe Sarah's in the blue trailer and her husband works on the road so she left the kids with Grandma so she and Dan could have some one-on-one time. Because of life's crazy schedule they haven't been able to find any alone time in awhile and they aren't sure what's left of their marriage.

Regardless of the circumstances, taking a break from the day-to-day routine can be so much more than just a break. It can be an escape, pushing pause on the stresses of life and just getting away. It could be the marking of the end of an era, or a celebration of what lies ahead. Whatever it is, it's much needed and if we don't take the time for weekends like this then what is it all for? 

Everything we have,

everything we do,

everything we work for,

everything we are,

• could be gone in the blink of an eye. So if we never take the time to actually enjoy it then what's the purpose of all our weekday efforts? What are we working and striving for that is so important that we can't stop for even one night and enjoy the present? The truth is nothing. There is nothing that is so important that we can't take a moment and breathe in the beauty that is our life. The beauty of our family, our friends, a walk in the park, a laugh in the pool with the kids. There's nothing so important in the future, that we can't take a few moments to enjoy the here and now. One of the only guarantees that we have in life is the here and now, so why not soak it up and live? We can get back to work tomorrow, we can get back to stressing, budgeting, planning, but there's no guarantee that we can get back to that last stroll with grandpa tomorrow. There's no assurance that we can get back to Billy who's begging to toss the ball with his Daddy, or to Rachel who's pleading for her mommy to watch her dive in the pool. All the money in the world can never get those moments back.. and the truth is, grandma isn't going to be here for too much longer and one day Rachel and Billy are going to be all grown up and they won't want to play with you anymore. The things that seem so small and even at times inconvenient, will all be gone someday. I can guarantee that one day you will wish for nothing more than to have those precious tiny moments back. So what's more important to you? Ask yourself that in the quiet of you mind..and then choose wisely.

Check out that Dad Bod!

As a woman, and more importantly as a mom, I prefer a man with the newly adored “Dad-Bod.” I feel like now a days a lot of moms do and I’m sure it's baffling the hell out of most of the trim and muscular men. Their moment is fading. All their hard work is being outshined by men who have never even stepped foot in a gym and who’s golden brown farmer's tan comes from working in the sun instead of tanning 3 times a week. Muscular men work hard to keep up their physique and they are probably feeling very defeated right about now. I hope they don’t get too down about it though. There are still a lot of woman who like to be tossed around in the throes of passion by a big hunky set of biceps. I'm just not one of them and it seems to be a growing trend. Here’s why (at least in my opinion).

I love to feel feminine especially in comparison to my partner. Nothing makes me feel more feminine than curling up on to a fluffy pillow-like belly. I like to be cuddled by a man who’s a little bigger than me, but not by a guy who’s prettier than me. No offense to the hunky boys, (I even dated a few when I cared more about what my friends thought of my boyfriends than what their personality was actually like.) but I would rather be with someone who’s waiting on me to get ready to go out, than vice versa. When your honey takes longer to be presentable than you do, it can be frustrating but humbling because you finally realize what most men go through daily. When a man is waxing and primping more than me, it’s hard to feel like the feminine beauty queen that most woman desire to feel like.

A man with a dad bod is usually a dad. This means he understands when you have to forgo your own personal appearance to take care of kids. Obviously not to the point of being a sloppy mess, but he can understand that you don’t have the time to spend hours a day on your appearance. This usually means that he’s an understanding partner and possibly even a good dad. C’mon ladies, there isn’t a set of abs in the world that can compare to that!

A dad bod also means that they know how to get down on some good food! They will always be up for checking out a new local restaurant. We can also look forward to lazy movie night’s vegging out on an assortment of junk food. Score!

If Hollywood has taught us anything it’s that chubby guys are almost always funny. Think about it for a minute; Kevin James, Chris Farley, Anthony Anderson, the Baluchi brothers. They are all hilarious with AT LEAST a bit of chubbiness, if not more. Maybe it’s because in high school they didn’t have a ripped body to make all the girls swoon so they needed wit and charm to use as a segue to the ladies. Whatever the reason, it definitely worked out in their favor. All that hard work (or lack thereof) is finally paying off.

The funny celebrities that lost their charmed chubbiness seemed to have lost their humor along with it. Johan Hill, Seth Rogan, and Chris Pratt are just a few that (as far as I can recall) haven’t taken on a comedy role since losing weight. It seems to be a package deal and that is fine by me.

You all can keep your superman’s, Thor’s, and Fabio’s and I'll keep rolling in laughter alongside a man with a belly that will jiggle at my jokes. As the guys say, “It’s more cushion for the pushing.”

I've never met a stranger

Since I was a little girl I have always made friends everywhere I've went. I will talk to almost anyone, anywhere, and at any time. Which isn't always the smartest idea because there are some creeps out there. Luckily in my 33 years of being this way it hasn't caused me any harm, some wacky stories and a few stalkers, but so far no harm. (Knock on wood.) Unfortunately I've had some people take my friendliness as flirting, or my willingness to listen as a sign of being interested in them, but for the most part it's just allowed me to meet some pretty interesting people. I spent my 25th birthday at a bar with my then-boyfriend and some friends. When it was nearing last call no one could find me because I was in the corner talking to a homeless man, Arnie, who had staggered in to get warm. He was a kind man and had a smile that could light up a room. In spite of the dirt and lack of recent teeth brushing, it was his soul that radiated passed his physical features. He was funny, but quiet and what stood out to me the most was when he started counting change to buy me a birthday drink. Wow! Talk about selfless! A man who had hardly anything was willing to give the last of what he did have to someone he didn't even know. I've known people who are well-off that won't even buy a friend a drink! The giving nature and pure kindness from this man that most people wouldn't give a second glance Glance towards (unless to snicker at his misfortunes) was offering me literally his last penny. My point is, that in a world full of screens and instant gratification, if we would take the time to smile at each other, say hi, or go out on a limb and strike up a conversation with someone, you would most likely be pleasantly surprised. ( And if not pleasantly then at least surprised and have a good story to tell your next new friend.) I have several similar stories about people I barely knew, and I can honestly say that the majority are surprising, uplifting, and usually funny (in a good way.) There are so many people that have amazing stories to tell if people would just take the time to listen. So the next time you're in line at the UPS Store frustrated, exhausted, and impatient, take a minute to talk to the elderly woman in front of you. You may just make a new friend ( and yes I made a friend this way last December but I'll save that story for another time.)

Self love...in moderation (according to society)

What are girls supposed to think about themselves? Our parents tell us we're perfect, that we don't need to change for anyone or anything. But unfortunately if we portray that self-love in the real world  we're conceited, full of ourselves, or TOO confident.
    On the other hand the world tells us we're not pretty enough, not thin enough, and not perfect enough. We're supposed to strive for more. Or better yet we're supposed to strive for perfection. It's a catch-22 though because if we attain that personal view of perfection then we're viewed negatively.
    So what's the fine line, the balance? Have self-confidence but not too much?
    I'm 34 years old, luckily for me I no longer care so much what others think. But unfortunately this is an epidemic definitely among our younger women. As a woman who spent years caring about the opinions of others, here is some advice I have for you.
    So many people in so many different directions are telling you how you're supposed to feel, be, look, and act. At the end of the day the only voice you should listen to is the one inside yourself (as corny as that sounds). You are the only one you have to face in the mirror each day. You are the only one that has to live with how you feel about yourself. And most importantly you should feel and look however you are most comfortable, without worry of other finding you good enough. Because in all reality...you already are good enough.

Ironworkers are superheros

       I wrote this to recognize what you do for a living. The sacrifices you makes daily for our family.  I had no idea so many people would fall in love with this writing. I've had so much feedback it's unbelievable! It resonated with hearts all over the world and if just a few more people now appreciate what Ironworkers do, I feel I have done my job with this article. Thank you all for reading!

               Being married to Iron Man

My husband is a real life superhero. I don't just say that because he works hard and he's a good dad, I say it for many other reasons too.

1. Being that he's an ironworker, technically I can call him my own personal Iron Man. It's corny, I know, but there's so much to what he does, to what all Ironworkers do, that makes them superhuman. What we see as dangerous and insane they see as just another day.

2. The field of iron working really is the backbone (or steel frame) of America. They build our majestic skyscrapers, our town halls, our schools and hospitals that educate and care for our families, the sports stadiums where we watch our favorite games, the arenas where our kids play sports, the airplane hangers that our military parks their airplanes, and so much more.

3. They really do scale tall buildings like a superhero, but without capes. Which brings me to my next reason, which, in my opinion, is the most important one.

4. Ironworkers literally risk their lives each and every day. They all have their own reasons for doing what they do, and one of the reasons my husband does it is to provide for his family. He rarely ever complains as he wakes up before dawn to head out for the day. While me and the kids are sleeping soundly, he ties up his work boots and quietly gives me a kiss. He might not know it, but I'm always awake and always grateful that he takes the time to do that. We have two paintings above our bed: “Always kiss me goodnight,” and “Always kiss me goodbye.” The goodnight one was my idea, but the goodbye one was his idea because he wanted a daily reminder that every morning could be the last time we say goodbye, so take nothing for granted. Then he pushes that thought out of his head, hops in his truck, and ventures off to wherever the job requires. Most days he works sun up to sundown in the blistering heat or bitter cold. Sometimes in the snow, rain, or wind. The only relief he gets from extreme weather conditions is a few days in the fall and spring if the temperature is perfect or if it's raining so hard that they have to call it a day.

A few times a year he has to travel out of state for work. Anywhere from four to 14 hours away from home. Usually to a place where it's much hotter or colder than he's accustomed to. Sometimes he's only gone for a week, other times he's gone for a few months. He might get a weekend to come home during that time but only if the job is running on schedule. If so, then he spends the only two days in a row that he has off, driving several hours to and from home for sometimes only one night with his family. He's missed birthdays, anniversaries, school plays, sports games, first steps, first words, and so much more that he will never get back. Iron workers not only risk their lives, but their marriages and other relationships as well. Over time they become tough, calloused, and even numb, when necessary. They find their coping mechanism and hold on for dear life. Their bodies age much faster than ours. They are tired in more ways than you can imagine. It's hard to understand why anyone would choose to live a life like this, but those who do it might argue that this life chose them. That once they started, it became ingrained in them. Some have left to venture down other roads, but most come back to it because it runs in their veins.

From what I gather through late night talks with my husband or overhearing the laughing and reminiscing of the guys at our barbecues, is that iron working is a brotherhood. They are a big family made up of a strong group of crazy ass guys who would do anything for each other, and in some cases have. They have watched each other rise, and watched some fall. They have watched some lose everything that matters to them, and they have watched some even lose their lives. They are strong, resilient, and amazing. They are superheroes.

Parenting Advice from a Pro

 

Let me start off by making it perfectly clear that I love my kids very much. They come first in my life and they're very well taken care of. They are my world and I would be lost without them (probably lost on a beach or backpacking in a foreign country but lost none the less). Now if your first instinct was to judge me then just stop reading and please proceed to the nearest sewing blog that teaches you how to make children's clothing out of recycled plastic.  That's where all the other perfect moms belong. But me, I am far from perfect. I make mistakes daily and I try to find the humor in all the chaos (ha, get it ).
      When my kids were born, yes it was love at first sight, but a grand flip did not switch and cause me to have endless amounts of patience and affection along with all the right words in every situation.

    If you claim that happened for you well than you are lying and obviously trying to cover up a deep parental insecurity. Stop, relax, we all suck at this in one way or the other and that's ok! All that matters is that we're doing our best and trying a little harder each day. Cut yourself some slack.. we all started this demanding full-time job in the same situation.. without absolutely no training.!! I mean imagine a brain surgeon being thrown into the OR without an ounce of preparation! It's fight or flight..  and if you've made it far enough to be reading random parenting blogs.. then obviously you chose to stay and fight..so congrats to you :)

   I am one of those moms that believes in being honest with your kids.. for the most part. Stuffing broccoli in a chicken nugget isn't an outright lie is it? At times I may even be too honest. My kids do not, nor ever have, believed in Santa, the Tooth Fairy, or any of the other holiday mascots. I believe my kids will have enough dysfunction with me as their Mom. I don't need to cause them any unnecessary trust issues when they find out I've been lying to them about strangers sneaking into our house at night. Plus my parenting skills will cause enough need for therapy so there's no urgency to add more trama to their psyche. I'd love to say there's an honorable reason for this but I'll be honest, I like taking credit for the gifts. It kind of makes up for all the mistakes I make throughout the year. "Sure I forgot you at the grocery store last May but do you see this dancing Minnie Mouse I got you?"  It's a fast acting technique that deflects from the real issues.

Well I guess I should tell you a little bit about myself, if you haven't stopped reading and snarled in disgust at my dry humor approach to parenting. I'm in my  mid thirties. I have two kids by birth, both of whom I got deathly ill after delivering by C-section. ( Hey that could be why I have a chip on my shoulder about this whole mothering thing). Then the powers-that-be caused me to fall in love with and marry a man who has several kids of his own. What can I say I'm a glutton for punishment ;) I've had several miscarriages, all probably a sign that maybe I wasn't cut out for this line of work. I'm stubborn. Tell me I can't do something and I'll show you! Plus, I wanted to see what all the mothering hype was about.

Now I'll have two children with intimacy issues because their own mom can't even wipe their boogers without dry heaving and who's more comfortable giving high fives over hugs. Relax, I'm kidding...mostly ;) So now you know what I'm all about. You can choose to turn your nose up at my raunchy approach to surviving motherhood or you can laugh along while I choose to find humor in all of the chaos. (HA!! I did it again!)

Disclaimer:  I'm in no way poking fun at having miscarriages, everyone has their coping mechanisms for tough situations, mine just happens to be humor.

Introducing Chaos

       Let me tell you a little about myself. I've been writing for years but haven't have the courage to step out into the scary world wide web.... until now :) I published my very first article last month and the results were mind blowing! Within hours the number of readers was in the thousands!

      Ultimately that's what gave me the courage to start this. I don't care about the money, I don't care about becoming popular, I care about creating a platform to make people laugh and relate. Another reason I was hesitant to get started is because I keep hearing that I need a niche. Well I don't have one and I don't want to be put in a box! I write about anything and everything. Sometimes it serious, sometimes it's funny. Writing has always been therapeutic for me so it would be impossible for me to commit to one topic. I'm a mother but this isn't a parenting blog, I'm a wife but this isn't a marriage blog...you get the picture. Of course I'll write about topics that are relevant in my life, but not always. Sometimes I write about random things like current events, or powerful music, or what it's life caring for someone with a debilitating disease... or whatever pops in my head that day. One thing you can count on is that most of my light hearted work includes a heavy amount of sarcasm. I just want this to be a place where you can find humor through the chaos (ok that's going to get old QUICK!)