Parenting Advice from a Pro

 

Let me start off by making it perfectly clear that I love my kids very much. They come first in my life and they're very well taken care of. They are my world and I would be lost without them (probably lost on a beach or backpacking in a foreign country but lost none the less). Now if your first instinct was to judge me then just stop reading and please proceed to the nearest sewing blog that teaches you how to make children's clothing out of recycled plastic.  That's where all the other perfect moms belong. But me, I am far from perfect. I make mistakes daily and I try to find the humor in all the chaos (ha, get it ).
      When my kids were born, yes it was love at first sight, but a grand flip did not switch and cause me to have endless amounts of patience and affection along with all the right words in every situation.

    If you claim that happened for you well than you are lying and obviously trying to cover up a deep parental insecurity. Stop, relax, we all suck at this in one way or the other and that's ok! All that matters is that we're doing our best and trying a little harder each day. Cut yourself some slack.. we all started this demanding full-time job in the same situation.. without absolutely no training.!! I mean imagine a brain surgeon being thrown into the OR without an ounce of preparation! It's fight or flight..  and if you've made it far enough to be reading random parenting blogs.. then obviously you chose to stay and fight..so congrats to you :)

   I am one of those moms that believes in being honest with your kids.. for the most part. Stuffing broccoli in a chicken nugget isn't an outright lie is it? At times I may even be too honest. My kids do not, nor ever have, believed in Santa, the Tooth Fairy, or any of the other holiday mascots. I believe my kids will have enough dysfunction with me as their Mom. I don't need to cause them any unnecessary trust issues when they find out I've been lying to them about strangers sneaking into our house at night. Plus my parenting skills will cause enough need for therapy so there's no urgency to add more trama to their psyche. I'd love to say there's an honorable reason for this but I'll be honest, I like taking credit for the gifts. It kind of makes up for all the mistakes I make throughout the year. "Sure I forgot you at the grocery store last May but do you see this dancing Minnie Mouse I got you?"  It's a fast acting technique that deflects from the real issues.

Well I guess I should tell you a little bit about myself, if you haven't stopped reading and snarled in disgust at my dry humor approach to parenting. I'm in my  mid thirties. I have two kids by birth, both of whom I got deathly ill after delivering by C-section. ( Hey that could be why I have a chip on my shoulder about this whole mothering thing). Then the powers-that-be caused me to fall in love with and marry a man who has several kids of his own. What can I say I'm a glutton for punishment ;) I've had several miscarriages, all probably a sign that maybe I wasn't cut out for this line of work. I'm stubborn. Tell me I can't do something and I'll show you! Plus, I wanted to see what all the mothering hype was about.

Now I'll have two children with intimacy issues because their own mom can't even wipe their boogers without dry heaving and who's more comfortable giving high fives over hugs. Relax, I'm kidding...mostly ;) So now you know what I'm all about. You can choose to turn your nose up at my raunchy approach to surviving motherhood or you can laugh along while I choose to find humor in all of the chaos. (HA!! I did it again!)

Disclaimer:  I'm in no way poking fun at having miscarriages, everyone has their coping mechanisms for tough situations, mine just happens to be humor.